


Rhythm

by High_Functioning_Goddess_of_Mischief



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bullying, Crying, Death, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Sad Ending, mention of self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 14:02:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13459779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/High_Functioning_Goddess_of_Mischief/pseuds/High_Functioning_Goddess_of_Mischief
Summary: A girl who types at night, because she feels safe.





	Rhythm

I love the sound of my fingers tapping against my iPad as I write this. A message to my friends. Asking if she could help me with something. A friend I don't know. I just know them via the internet. It makes you feel strange. You know them. But they live so far away, and you just wish they live next door or... It just feels like you've known them your whole life.

As I read the words I write, the letters that appear on the lit up screen I hear this faint but hard tapping sound against the glass screen. And it's a constant tapping rhythm... You could compare it to the rain. Which, coincidentally, silently taps against my window while there's a wind gushing as hard as a hurricane.

It is in the middle of the night, I'm watching a movie and I just not want to go to sleep. I just don't want to, why would I? Today is the last day of my vacation... my summer break. I have to go back to school tomorrow. I should take advantage of my holiday right? Or should I not... I just didn't know. I just didn't want to go to school. 

But... 

There was another reason, I've been seeing those things again. The things that upset my mind and drown out who I am. The one that's happy and always wants to know more about the world. The one that loves to feed her brain, knowledge of this world. Just the knowledge about animals, biomes, trees, flowers, the sky, the universe, uninvented technology, the future and still has a foot set in her past... Loves to learn about the history that was really on this earth but then vanished because everyone dies. At those moments I just hate myself want to kill myself. But for some reason, this stronger person inside tells me to hold on and I'll be happier in the future. 

On normal days the other person but sad person that is me is hidden in my head behind a thick wall. Let's say I hid her in that cubicle, locked it and threw away the key and threw that cubicle into a hole. Sometimes cracks appear in that wall and she talks to me. Sometimes in a little girl's voice and sometimes in a heavy angry voice that upsets me even more. But I ignore her and just move on with my daily life. 

|begin flashback|  
I remember once... I was seated in the classroom. "Hey, Hannah! I think you'd fit this nice jacket perfectly and this muzzle too." I look up from where I'm seated, at the table in front of the classroom near the teacher's desk, I felt safe there. A girl named Charlotte help up a muzzle and a straight jacket... Like on they used in Silence of the Lambs or that famous magician.. uh... I can't recall his name.. Oh! yeah, Houdini. She was a popular brat in my class, she thinks she's like The Queen or something. one of my classmates once called her mother. But she's just a downright bully... s'all. It was pretty funny to her but not in this situation. "We should lock you up in an asylum!" "Well go on. Just go on. I don't care.' But she's just a downright bully who doesn't care about others' well being and if you tell them they start to cry and get all emotional. I don't understand... the crying part... Is it for attention? I don't know. /You should put that on a t-shirt/ And still don't understand. /and there's the back/ 

I go back and look down at my Ipad as I was writing a story about who went on tour with her favourite band and had the greatest adventures! She wouldn't put on that straight jacket on me anyways, she would risk getting caught... *smirks*. Who would want that... She always plays innocent when teachers are around... and like I just said it happened. The walked in and I was saved.  
|end flashback|

In my daily life, I have to fight the images inside my head. But what are those images I speak of? Well, you see when I was younger I saw lots of abuse, my dad hitting my mom. Hitting her in the chest. Throwing her against the wall, trapping her between his body and the wall. Then punching her to stop him for things he "hadn't done". She screamed and cried most of the time, begging him to stop. To stop hurting for once but he wouldn't listen... So the only option was to call the police. He got arrested the day after we left a statement at the police station. 

He walked free the same day, a few hours later. But we as a family got into the system. Mom and dad would often go to a psychiatrist. They'd visit her twice a week. My brother and I were home alone often, but did it really get better? No/ 

After this event everything went a bit blurry, I lost both my Grandmother and Grandfather the year after. Attended both funerals. I miss them so much, even when I'm writing this I cry. 

Then last year I got depressed and started to cut myself to let those images go away. But they wouldn't fade. I always will remember them. Always... I started to ask for help at the school's councillor. I got better and stopped cutting. I just got better and I laughed more and I was this happy girl again. 

Now a year ahead, I have the urge to cut again. The images in my head get worse and... I just don't know how to cope... I don't want to bother my councillor again... I mean he won't make me better anyway. I cannot put all my sorrows on his poor soul over and over again. I just don't know what to do anymore. 

It's maybe that I might have PTSD from the whole experience I don't know but this is how my life will be from now on. It will be a battle of who will take over my mind, of how I would end my life. 

I should stop writing now and continue watching the movie.


End file.
